Saturday, November 06, 2004
tuned in;
you can`t blame me for being so paranoid. seriously. it`s so difficult to get myself to sleep lately that it`s hurting me emotionally. don`t ask me what or why `cos it`s inconvenient to speak of. only those that were at min`s place that night would understand. i cannot help but be fearful of possible consequences.
it`s painful to try to think beyond it. and everytime i try to tell myself everything`s ok, a voice within me tells me it isn`t. and every single time. i choose to believe that voice. i don`t know why i am so suspicious and so paranoid about this but any wrong move can ruin everything that`s installed for me. i mean it.
there`s so many questions waiting to be answered and being out of money isn`t helping. at all. i need someone of similar status to speak and counsel me. or else. there`s a high chance of watching me go crazy in another few days or so. i can`t possibly talk myself out of thinking about such stuff `cos every single day i drag this. it`s making me fall into a state of agony and pain. especially when i`m alone. at night. on my bed. the feeling of loneliness and anxiety just creeps in and often make me reach the point of my self-destruction.
i detest feeling this way. and i will always hate it.
6:15 PM
//ella habla; usted escucha
