many people questioned about my past few blog entries. but yeah people. i`m okay. it`s just that insecure feeling you have once in awhile i suppose. i ain`t sure if any one of you out there actually feels that way too, once in awhile like me. but it doesn`t really matter.
i had a sudden urge to go swimming. i can already imagine the satisfaction i will have in the pool. and it`s been ages since i`ve last swam in a proper pool. i don`t really like swimming at sentosa. `cos you never get to swim proper, if you get what i mean. and yeah. i seriously hope to swim real soon. if possible, this coming friday with tianyin. or more people who are interested. (:
maybe the problem with me is that i think too much, too far. but sometimes, such thoughts let me imagine the impossible. and sometimes, these thoughts satisfy the unreachable. and it might not be so bad is it? i don`t like putting myself down either, but how long can you put up a brave front? not forever, that`s for certain.
i`m not sure if i`m facing everyone with a mask or my real identity. often, i can`t even answer my own questions. i`m not sure of what i really want and need. and i`m too weak to make decisions. the person you see might not be the person herself anymore. and i refuse to be beaten. never. by the weak spirit within me.
i don`t like the feeling of insecurity and it`s difficult to cast away. when you feel alone and anxious. it`s difficult to tell yourself it isn`t true. have you ever felt this way before? so, where did i leave my spirit at? i don`t even know why i`m feeling this way sometimes. am i sick? shit. maybe i am.
and i thought i was okay at the beginning of the entry. how ironic can i get?
performed by nelly furtado.
all i know
is everything is not as it`s sold
but the more i grow the less i know
and i have lived so many lives
though i`m not old
and the more i see the less i grow
the fewer the seeds the more i sow
then i see you standing there
wanting more from me
and all i can do is try
then i see you standing there
wanting more from me
and all i can do is try
try
i wish i hadn`t seen all of the realness
and all the real people are really not real at all
the more i learn the more i cry
as i say goodbye to the way of life
i though i had designed for me
then i see you standing there
wanting more from me
and all i can do is try
then i see you standing there
i`m all i`ll ever be
but all i can do is try
try
all of the moments that already passed
we`ll try to go back and make them last
all of the things we want each other to be
we never will be
and that`s wonderful and that`s life
