Wednesday, December 15, 2004
tuned in;
to be honest, i`m not exactly enjoying myself in poly for this sem. i feel like i`m stressing myself a little bit. turning abit crazy. i`m not sure if it`s pms (i seriously hope so thou) or i`m just getting more cranky. i seem to get agitated pretty easily lately. grrrr. i`m driving myself crazy.
i don`t really like any of the modules from this semester. let`s see. what do i have this sem? oral communication, business stats, organisational behavior, microecons, computer & information processing, sports & wellness and life management skills. man! none of these interest me at all lah. hate being in front of everyone, giving speeches and being a public speaker. well. it seem really unlike me to say that lah. but honestly? i hate speaking in front of large crowds. bstats tutor suck. ob is alright. micro is (i feel) more difficult than macro. cip is pretty much like bca. (which would mean suck too?) dislike the lms tutor. so i guess the only redeeming factor would be s & w? goodness. it makes me feel bad already.
*shrugs. i`m wondering why i`m feeling this way. and i don`t like the idea of having to stay in ambassadors`. at least a year. it makes me feel like i`m performing a bond. i mean. yeah. at first i held hopes of changing my stand or opinion about them. but it`s not the people. it`s myself actually. i guess i won`t exactly enjoy myself. i feel like it`s too much of responsibilities and committment for me to handle. and all i want to do in poly is to do well. and i guess being able to be of a higher level in terms of social circle would definitely would good, but i`m not sure if i can cope with that.
oh well. i`ve to go soon. have to get started with the presentation for the ambassador`s training this coming saturday. sucks i`m telling you. and i was just talking about hating public speaking. darn it. and what an introduction about myself and about the school? why do they need us to do that in the first place. sigh. i`m so screwed. i feel like i seriously got myself into deep shit. but it seems like i have no other choice but to comply.
but one thing`s for sure. if i can leave, i would. provided i still feel this way. `cause i guess i just want to be happy. i don`t want to drag my feet to school everyday. if i can, i wouldn`t mind picking up a sport. after all, that was my original intention. and it`s not like without a cca, i can`t proceed to university. for all i know, if i continue staying in ambassadors` with this kind of attitude, it isn`t fair for both parties. i suppose i`m wrong to refuse to open up. i`m glad to make new friends, really. but it`s not just having a bigger social circle but alot more work than that. and i`m not changing my mind `cause of the money.
gone.
10:14 PM
//ella habla; usted escucha
