Thursday, March 03, 2005
tuned in;
great. i just accidentally deleted the entry i was typing. it was super long. oh well. not in the mood to get angry. so i`ll just have to retype everything. sigh.
as i was saying, econs test was today, and i screwed it up, big time. i`m not trying to console anybody, `cause it`s true. i can`t say anything else, except that i`m so gonna die. i`m damn screwed. and it sucks. alot.
on a sidenotes, almost all the projects and test are over. all except ocomm final presentation and bstats test, both of which i really dread going for. `cause for one i need to dress up formal, and the other i just simply am lost and will just once again screw up. great. what a way to motivate myself. sigh. not forgetting once all these are over, the exams would be up next. gosh. how near is that? 24th march is our first paper. and it`s just at the end of this month. ahhhh. i feel so so screwed already.
it`s scaring me how time pass so fast, without giving a chance to look back.
i bet most of you guys noticed i`m behaving oddly. well. i wasn`t really sure i was until everyone started commenting that i was being hyper, sarcastic and just plain cranky. it`s getting quite freaky again, `cause i`m not too sure of why i`m behaving like this either. could it be that i am just too tired, burnt out or i was just lydat all the time? oh well. don`t bother about me, it`s just grumblings again. what`s new? (:
oh, we were just having this interesting talk earlier in eddy`s car. the four of us - eddy, kangni, fanny and i, were discussing about marriage. and it really did make me ponder, and i guess i can conclude that i`m someone who`s afraid to get married. as stupid as it sounds, i`m not someone really looking forward to after marriage life. well, you could say i want to get married, but if some conditions are not fulfilled, it`s a straight no to getting married. so what if i might have found someone, if he`s not willing to wait for me, then i`ll just have to remain single for the rest of my life, and i don`t think there`s something wrong with that.
we were talking about what age we would want to get married. ms kangni said 24. ms fanny says she`s ready already, as long as mr right comes along. mr eddy told me later he want to get married when he`s 21. as for me? i`ll never consider getting married until my career is stablized, and i`m sure i can and am ready to start a family, which might at least be 25? it may sound too early to think about such an issue, but have you ever thought about how 17 years or more have passed by just like that? and perhaps in no time you might be either sitting at home watching your kids, or just working your heart out for some company in shenton way or somewhere?
i may sound absolutely selfish. and i don`t deny that i am not, to a certain extent. to be totally realistic, i will not want to start a family, have kids but am finanically not capable. i don`t like the idea of getting married so early, when i have not gotten my career anywhere near where i want it. i don`t want to drag my kids around, i`ll feel like i`m burdening them. or perhaps, i`m just selfish. *shrugs. or maybe, with a thinking like mine, it`s never meant for me to get married. as much as i`m looking forward to getting married(at an optimum age), it might just be something hoped for, but never going to happen. and i`ll never regret for not getting married earlier or something. `cause it was my own decision.
sure, it may be stupid on my part. but that`s who i am. for all you know, my perception might change. or someone might change me. who knows about that? we`ll see. but for now, i`m stuck with this mentality.
11:43 PM
//ella habla; usted escucha
