Monday, September 19, 2005
tuned in;
i`ve been complaining about life.
too much.
and then it`s not like i didn`t know that,
life`s too precious to be given up.
there`s just too many things and people you can`t bear to let go.
everytime i seem to tell myself to look at the bright side, the positive. but as much as i know that should be the way, i tend to reflect negatively. why do people always give unduly high weightage to negative information? it`s unfair isn`t it?
i`ve mentioned to people before. i`m exhausted. for a long time now. and i`m perfectly aware that just by resting for 1 or 2 days is no solution in the long term. it`s the emotional unstability and uproar that`s screwing me upside down. but i`ve no clue on how to unwind and be carefree again. is it even possible to get myself out of this pit?
i`ve been trying to be happy. i really am.
but i end up asking myself questions i know i asked before and will ask again.
it has officially become a steady rountine now.
i give thanks for many things, i do. but there`s just too many other things to be totally upset about. i can`t name them offhand though. but it`s just that kind of feeling that you know? you aren`t happy. and i am not running away from that.
i changed. those around me changed too. at different stages of life, people will react differently to different issues. but now, being able to accept new ideas and opinions is important to me, because that allows me to grow, mentally. maybe that`s what you call becoming more open-minded, but i beg to differ. that`s more like a seed maturing to a young plant.
maturing.
perhaps that`s what i`m experiencing. and you are too. i keep telling others that all the bad times won`t stay, that after all this, you will become stronger. you`ll mature into someone beautiful. that no one else expect you to be that beautiful. you`ll be originally you. and no one else can replace. uniqueness is a gift. and please don`t waste that.
i`m not good with words, so i won`t play around with them.
i just want to say i love all those that`s by me right now. you may hate me, feel like punching me; strangling me; whacking me; killing me at times, but please don`t leave me.
being totally helpless at times doesn`t give you or me any reason to despise ourselves.
let me learn. let me mature. and when finally i do grow up, and perhaps have a chance of being someone beautifully changed, you`ll be there to share my joy. just right there, next to me.
1:37 AM
//ella habla; usted escucha
