Thursday, December 08, 2005
tuned in;
i almost cried talking to my mother. how silly. but at least i felt that i`ve let out something that`s in my heart for awhile now.
all i can say is - i`m about reaching my limit. don`t teach me or advice me to take up anger management, cos it`s of no use to me. at all. but if you need, how about me teaching you to fake a smile?
i`m no saint; no social animal.
but don`t think i`m stupid. i may be nice at times. but don`t take me for granted. i may have taken you for granted at times. but don`t get overboard for mistakes made once or twice.
you know, sometimes i think you treat me like a fool. someone who don`t deserve. or at least don`t deserve as much as you do.
well. i have no say to how you behave, how to portray yourself. and i do respect you as a person. but that`s about all the respect i`m giving.
like i`ve told kim, i`m not anywhere, not even close to, being patient, and i know that very well. but it also doesn`t mean that if i`m sitting there, not making any comments means that i can be used or directed like a puppet. you make me sick sometimes, really. what makes you think that everything should be done your way?
your biggest and most fucking problem that pisses me off the most is that you want too much. be it attention, authority or whatsoever. you seem like you will never be satisfied.
i`m just so sick and tired of putting up with you.
i`m a human too. someone with emotions. verbal statements that to you meant nothing, could mean so much to me. i need some space. to breathe or to just be myself. why do i always feel like i have to act to keep myself going? can`t i be natural and not to be mocked?
and you know, and this refers to everyone...
i don`t need anyone to put me down.
pent up frustrations and much anxiety makes a person as good as being mad.
i`m not neccessarily a good person, that i admit.
i`m not trying to make it all sound like a competition. but i just want to show that i`m no fool, that i can be something you didn`t think i could. all these negativity that`s inside of me can`t stay put any longer.
//and you know what the biggest and most fucking problem with me that pisses off everybody?
my bloody temper. and being so stubborn.
but one thing`s for sure. and i must really learn this.
no one is perfect.
6:46 AM
//ella habla; usted escucha
