Tuesday, January 10, 2006
tuned in;
clearly the disappointment from my past few papers haven`t gotten totally to me yet until i screw up tomorrow`s paper too.
i`m dead - go figure.
so much of a new year. i can almost just say i hate it without thinking. even if i`m given more time to reconsider, i`ll prolly give that damn answer again. it`s not about you, her, him, them or anyone. it`s me. no aim, no goal. or simply because i`m not ready. for what you may ask. i`m not sure either.
i`m lost in the midst of school, projects, tests, friends, work and so on.
again?
how many times did it happen already? i`ve lost count. perhaps i`m weak or i just never learn. i seem to be running away, hiding or just not facing up with the reality. time is running too fast to be caught. and the culprit is none other than myself, for being lazy, complacent and whatever you can think of to associate me to in this matter.
i don`t know what`s over me. i can`t seem to be concentrating. ever distracted i`m losing it. my mind`s in a mess and i can`t find any answers to questions. i want to find out why i`m behaving like that.
maybe life`s too mundane. i`m scared of outcomes, of bad consequences. some that i really deserve, while some perhaps could have been given a chance of. but there`s nothing to push me ahead to strive on, to continue fighting. maybe i`m pushed to the limit and i`m stretching myself too much. but i was okay all along before that, which puzzles me even more. what then is the cause of all these queries?
i`m heavy-hearted.
performed by S.H.E
extract from 天灰
我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经全都熄灭
7:07 AM
//ella habla; usted escucha
